‘My husband passed away from a sudden heart attack at 32. I felt like my world was crashing in. Although I had two beautiful babies, I thought multiple times about suicide.’

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“A few years ago my husband passed away from a sudden heart attack at 32 and I felt like my world was crashing in. I felt so entirely lost. Although I had two beautiful babies, I thought multiple times about suicide. I never got close because of my children, but I remember one specific time of sitting at a stop light and wondering what would happen if I stepped on the gas and just kept going. I broke down in tears wanting Jesus to take away the pain. I pictured my children without me and that gave me strength to keep going. I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact I was supposed to live my life alone and raise my two children without a father. After all the years talking about our future and our kids growing up and growing old… how was I supposed to let all that go? I was dead inside. I mourned for my lost love and I mourned for my children’s happiness.

Woman sits on blanket outside with her two children and husband before he passed
Jacqueline Nicole-Visser Jimenez/Passio Photography

Fast forward to a night my best friend had enough of my sorrow and stole my phone to add me to Tinder. I absolutely HATED the idea. There was no way I would let a man near myself or my children. Well ladies and gentlemen I met this guy the first night! We started talking and it was like everything in the world was right again. I was SUPER hesitant and didn’t want to admit he was right for me or my kids. I wanted to bury myself and my feelings because it wasn’t ‘right.’ I can honestly say I felt like my heart could never love another, but God had other plans.

Woman stands on top of parking garage with her two children, boyfriend, and his daughter
Christian John O’Reilly/Fire and Ice

This wonderful man swept me off my feet, gave all his love to my two beautiful babies, and took all my broken pieces and put them back together again. He showed me I could not only love again, but have a different once in lifetime type of love. It’s so weird but I feel this strange pull to him, like if our souls were always meant to be together. I was always supposed to grow old with him. He is my best friend (which I never had before in a man), he is my biggest fan, my partner in crime, and everything a woman could ever imagine.

It takes a certain type of man to adopt two children and treat them as if they are his own.

Man stands holding his baby daughter along with girlfriend's daughter on his shoulders and son on his back
Christian John O’Reilly/Fire and Ice

Being 27 years old I never thought I would have to go through all of that, but I did, and I am a better person for it. I sympathize, I know, and I’ve lived through it. My first husband was everything I needed at that time and my second husband is everything I need now. He is my everything guys. My whole world! (minus my babies).

Woman stands beside boyfriend who is holding his son and her son and daughter
Christian John O’Reilly/Fire and Ice

Three months after meeting on Tinder we got married, and now 3 years later we have this God sent angel baby! Seriously she is ALWAYS smiling and laughing. It’s like she represents our love for each other.

Widow smiles at boyfriend's daughter who sits on her knee
Christian John O’Reilly/Fire and Ice
Woman stands with her son beside her boyfriend who is holding up his daughter beside her daughter
Christian John O’Reilly/Fire and Ice
Woman sits on post of parking garage beside her children and her boyfriend's daughter
Christian John O’Reilly/Fire and Ice

I wanted to share my story for those of you who have been in my position… I want you to know there is more out there for you. Don’t give up!”

Woman sits on pillar of parking garage with her children and her boyfriend's daughter beside boyfriend
Christian John O’Reilly/Fire and Ice

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Jacqueline Nicole-Visser Jimenez, 30, of Orlando, Florida. Do you have a similar grief journey? We’d like to hear your story. Submit your story here, and subscribe to our best stories in our free newsletter here.

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